WAS DAS BUMSEN???!!!

How do u turn a much awaited weekend into a total shit weekend???

well.... you could either stand in line the whole saturday and then feel elated in succeeding to get a ticket to himmesh reshamiyya's concert....then on sunday, go to the concert and participate in the constipation-cum-sexual-agony relieving working through some mass-moaning!

the 2nd route is which(unfortunately) i took... watch simbu's vallavan on saturday and then chiru's stallin on sunday...

simbu... offspring of mr. motormouth kardi TRR, is no less than his father when it comes to talking in interviews. in one of the diwali special program on sun tv, lil motormouth spoke about his movie vallavan, for which he has the credits for story, screenplay and direction.
the interview was filled with punch-dialogs and was fully about statement making.
among the countless ones he made, the few ones i remember are:

1.reema sen will be spoken after the movie as one of the best modern day actress as it was the "role of her life"

2. santhanam will be called the next vivek.

3.simbu will be not only seen as a class-hero or a mass-hero, but as someone who can do both

And now vallavan, the movie:

simbu falls madly in love with the obese, cleavage showing, lecturer nayantara at the very first sight and accidently even places kunkum on her forehead!... no... i actually wont tell the story, because its so worthless typing it.

simbu punches out dialog after dialog, and it is his same old repetetive junk aimed to take on dhanush. and there's so much of this that i felt like pelting stones at the screen. was das bumsen???

then there's the obese nayantara. supposed to be a lecturer, but will not spare a thought on her cleavage exposing Tee's and other glam-filled costumes. was das bumsen???!!!

reema sen... roll of her life... wait a minute... clear your ears... get this right...
she is a school girl studying in the 9th or 10th!!! and she comes in uniform and black shoes and trust me, it looks like some kind of fansy dress competetion at an old age home. and she is suposedly possessed with simbu's love and is a kind of love-psycho!!! was das bumsen??!!

santhanam's job, if i remember correctly, was to bring out some laughter...and where's the humour man.... yeah... next vivek eh? ... doubtey illa.... was das bumsen???!!!

this is the best of them all...nayantara tells him that there's nobody home one night, so simbu and nayan screw. the next day morning she starts crying telling that she has made a mistake. she then asks him if he'll marry her for which simbu jonkingly replies that he just acted as if he liked her so that he could taste her one night. shocked, her wailing increases and she even starts abusing her. then he becomes "serious" and tells her in a "serious tone"(and it comes in english too) ... "We dint have sex yesterday.... we made love"!....Hello????!!!! we also know "littul englis" boss.... synonyms class eh???!!! was das bumsen???!!!

and if you thought mr.serial kisser him-ran hush-me dint have any serious competetion... you are wrong... dont look too far... our very own simbu is turning out to be a super kisser and that too an innovtive one too... here he even has a dance step which involves only smooching... confused?... its a series of contact-break-contact between the lips of this stick and that drum!!!


And now... Stallin

this one is a perfect formula-movie... and it does justice to the genre with scenes occuring in almost shceduler-arranged timing...

10 mins of fight, then 10 mins of social service, followed by 10 mins of gyration with skimpily-clad-trisha, followed by 10 mins of mother-sister sentiment, then 10 mins of "message", then back to the fight... repeat this cycle of events three or four times and you have 3 hours of stallin!!!

it was a torture sitting through the movie... it had soooo much masala... that it was like overcooked hyderabadi biryani!!!

the best part of the movie is a scene where kushbu is explaining trisha as to why chiru has left the army and returned home(previously trisha makes fun of chiru's telling that he has run back home from the army because he was scared)
kushbu explains her how chiru was one of the most respected, brave, responsible military officer who had put his life on the line and defeated pakistan single-handedly. she says chiru had bullets gutted into his body and that one bullet could not be removed as it was 'very close' to the heart. the doctor has advised chiru to quit the army as if he continued the bullet would move forward thereby killing him!!! ROTFL!!!!
and whats the next scene???? trisha falls madly in love with chiru and dreams of a duet with him in firang-land!!!! the spontaenity with which these two scenes occur one after the other was simply superb!!! was das bumsen???!!!


And to give a fitting finale to this post, i'll finish it off in the trademark TRR shtyle(for those of you who have no idea of who this guy is, he is a rhyme machine who belts out punch-rhymes!!!) here we go:

Dey simbu
you are one big dumbu!
if you brag about your movie once more
you will be in vambu(trouble)!

you are not a mass hero
you are not a class hero
you are simply a loose hero!

listening to your dialogs
in my ears there is formation of puss,
this movie of yours
is like kaal dhoos(dust on one's foot)

next time you talk
keep your head and shoulder on the same level,
else to dig your own grave
we'll give you one big shovel!!!


WAS DAS BUMSEN???!!!

And if you are wondering what that meant... its the german transalation for
WHAT THE FUCK???!!!